Fallout from homelessness.

So this post has been awhile in the making,  I had a 2 year period of homelessness due to a mental disability causing my parents to not feel safe with me in their home.  This caused me to have to beg for money,  food,  clothing,  and barely getting by.  I was given medications by a doctor and then forced to leave the hospital for a need for beds in the psych ward.  Most of all,  my credit card was maxed out,  I failed to pay bills on time and now I’m stuck with overwhelming debt and no way to climb out.  The collection agencies have already begun siphoning my disability paycheques and will continue to do so for months.  I’m finding it impossible to keep myself fed.  I’ll have about 1 week after my cheque arrives of normal food activities and then days like today I only eat one meal a day for fear that I wont even have that one meal next week before my cheque arrives.  Its humiliating,  My body looks like the kids in those charity videos with the extended bellies and skeletal  limbs.  I hate myself and I don’t know what to do.  I think about how little anyone cares about me a lot.  I think about how I don’t have any drive or motivation constantly.  There’s not much hope for me right now.  the collection agencies are all gonna come knocking pretty soon and i have nothing to show them other than some books nobody reviews and songs nobody listen to.  I’m past the point of starving artist,  and moved on to the criminally in debt disabled person.  I’m fighting back tears at the moment and I haven’t felt an emotion like this in months.  If this keeps up i’m pretty sure i’m gonna die from malnutrition on the side of a road somewhere.   Most people wouldnt’ ask for pitty. I’m past caring if you pitty me or not.  I dont really give a shit what you think of me because its either not enough or too much.  I used to love,  now i just use.  Its horrible.  basing my days around who and what i can get out of people,  waiting at every moment for the next chance to get support from somebody and then move on to the next person to ovoid overwhelming any one person.  My parents are assholes about how they treated me,  they see no wrong doing when clearly they made the wrong decision cutting me out of their life and forcing me to be destitute.  My mom hasnt told me she loves me.  ever.  I’m about ready to quit this life.  maybe i’ll see y’all around in the next one.

One thought on “Fallout from homelessness.

  1. Hang in there man. Things have a way of turning around even after a long long stretch of horrible shit. I can’t promise people will step up but sometimes folks in a homeless/disabled situation get help from a GoFundMe or similar. It’s a short term boost but maybe it would help.

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