This is a new thing for me so bear with me while I try to figure this out
I’m looking at old journal entries that i no longer know the date or time of writing and just see how I feel about the contents of the entry. I’m picking a spot somewhere in the middle of my journal today, and potentially look back at other entries later on. The specific page I’m analyzing today is from a book that I use to get my thoughts and ideas in-front of my face in my own handwriting.
its really hard to read this stuff, I feel so changed or disassociated from these pieces.
It seems to be speaking about power, and the frustration that everyone has lately surrounding having not enough, or too much (not that anyone would admit they don’t want as much power as they have) I then move to speaking about my friends and I who get treated like disposable fodder and not the brilliant witty and hilarious writers we are. then comes a nice remembrance of an idiom long forgotten.
I seem to be slipping into talking about the dreams that I have, the ideas of futures where we can be backed by people who want to see more from my online community, and have it be something people would gladly pay money to see. I get the sense that I was thinking about some kind of shift being necessary, but looking back I think the truth is more along the lines of us not being brave enough to conjoin our efforts in any way other than a pity fav here and there. Worry, it brings us down. Whispers turned to sour grapes that ate and ate at our ability to see each-other as equals who like having each-other around.
it ends with some fancy word-smithery that I don’t really follow anymore, but what the hell you gotta end a page somehow.
I’m glad to be doing this. I think it’ll be beneficial to think about journaling as a temperate solution to solve a bigger problem. thanks for reading, the full page is available here :