Stand up

Technology (turn the lights down)-off mic complain

Guns buying guns
Bank robber who doesn’t know what sirens are
Video games 

-multiple addictions before I realized I had an addictive personality 
Reggae in Starbucks

-barista what has this world come to

-dude it gets worse out there

-but yet we’re still stoked on the idea of living our daily human lives and hoping to string enough good ones of them together to enjoy our existence 
People say I’m quiet 

-in my head “you’ve proven yourself to be unworthy of my breath”
The other day I said “here goes nothing!” And I did nothing
Medical professionals voice lowers to Avalanche ovoiding levels (weed)
I don’t think we should be allowing bears to steal our jobs at the maul

-that’s why I haven’t installed a maul slot in my door
A confessional booth but the pastor complains about the last guy 
The thing about mimes who do crimes, you never hear them coming or going, taking whatever they please, enjoying a life of lavish on your inability to sense them audibly 
Disrobe, rent cheque 
       -I’m not an alcoholic but I pass up valuable times not drinking when I could be drinking, like during a shower or while I’m sleeping

But I guess the first step is denial

         I rode a bus and a skytrain and A bus to get here because my car decided to go to school out of town to become a doctor
If I had an office I’d have a file called flask so I could say I had to consult with some files,but I’d just have a shot of whatever’s in it
My car used to rattle off the diseases of other cars back when it was just an aspiring Doctor 
I’m sorry I smoked some weed and smoked some weed before I got here
You know what fine I’ll say it, I’m pretty sure my car only became a Doctor for monetary gain. It doesn’t give a shit about anyone else besides me
My 35 foot tall 100 year old relative. Is an inspiration to me because he never lost that growing spirit

Which the sales staff at most clothing stores hate
There are a significant amount of birds out there, probably too many to count, but damn if I don’t still try
Did nobody in the Gregorian era notice that the years were counting down?
I won’t be caught dead navigating the astral plane
Early adopters of Netflix streaming ruined it for everyone when they left a show on and were never seen again
Tried to join the mile high club but the captain found out and flew 0.9 miles high
It’s Pretty presumptuous of the world to continue existing without even asking anyone if it could first

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