sorry, that subject line is misleading sorta, but I thought i’d grab your attention cause you probably receive a ton of emails and i wanted mine to be the first one you read when you opened the gmail.
I was diagnosed with psychosis a year and a half ago, after calling 911 on myself. I found myself in a room with 4 other men in a mental facility , one who’s name i won’t mention but will say struck a baffling resemblance to Dan Harmon. I spent 2 weeks in the facility in the hospital and it was some of the most challenging times of my young 21 year old life. I learned how to get along with other people in there, dealing with noises and yelling and stealing of clothes and all sorts of humiliating things. There were good times too, playing Dutch Blitz with the other kids my age was really fun and helped get our minds off the horribleness our lives had become because of mental illness.
Leading up to the hospital my parents could tell something was wrong but couldn’t say anything for fear that i would freak out even more and do something drastic. One of the only things in my life that I enjoyed was listening to Feral Audio podcasts like harmontown and this feels terrible, ally and Georgia, put your hands together, and many more. Dustin has always been an inspiration of mine. One of my greatest joys was receiving email responses from Erin, i should dig up those old emails, I’m sure they’d be really interesting. Anyways I also spent my time writing tweets, small jokes that I could pretend were being seen by millions of people, or maybe one day. at the time of writing this I’m up to 31.3 thousand tweets. No small feat. I don’t have many followers, and the ones i do have don’t really interact with me that much, but I got into it just to write jokes privately for myself, its not about the numbers. If i can make just one persons (me) day a little brighter with my jokes then its all worth it.
Now we get to the meat of the email.
I was delusional, I’ll admit that. I thought everyone was watching my every move. I thought so many things, terrifying, horrible things. I thought everyone had read/heard about my little twitter account and hated it secrely. At one point I thought someone was conducting secret interveiws with my family, friends and co-workers to create some kind of documentary about my life, under the guise that i was suicidal (which i was but kept secret) and, well I don’t know. Thats where it all stops making sense and becomes the biggest weirdest conspiracy in the entire world and I’m really ashamed to say i believed it with every fibre of my being. I’m just glad i didn’t follow my urges and beliefs and do anything drastic.
But I’m still here today and I don’t believe in things like that anymore. I know now when things are plausible, and when they’re just crazy, and I have a better support system built up to keep me accountable to staying away from delusions like the one previously mentioned.
BTW this stuff is like, super personal and I don’t tell anyone what i’ve been telling you. not even my parents know about how bad the delusions got. I still live in their house, so its a difficult thing to talk about freely without fear of scaring them and making me go to some halfway home with a bunch of other people and no internet connection.
SO, what I’m doing is recording the worlds longest podcast to raise awareness for psychosis. I think if there’s even one person living out there with a mental state half as bad as what mine was, and I can help influence them to get help, it will all be worth it. The current record is 41 hours. I aim to do 50 hours, maybe even more if i can. thats continuous recording with no breaks, cuts or edits. Its a daunting task but i think i’m like, halfway to being ready which is IMO good enough for a first attempt. I’ll be live-streaming the whole event on YouTube, and giving away prizes, doing tweet contests, and anything i can to help promote the event. I also have a few friends lined up to help talk to me and keep the conversation going.
I would LOVE LOVE LOVE your support in any way you deem acceptable. It could be as much as calling into the podcast while I’m taping or tweeting out the link to the show or hanging out with me in the chat room or any way you can help. I would really love the support and Its for a great cause.
I’m not trying to get rich off this or anything like that, quite the opposite, I’ll be giving away prizes to the most active listeners. Things like T-shirts, mugs, leggings, posters, bed-spreads, You name it, I’ll be giving it away. (seriously) to help promote the show and to thank people for helping me have things to talk about during the 50 did i mention 50 hours of podcasting, all at once. No cuts. pure, josh.
Please get in touch with me, it would mean the world to me.