I’m feeling really selfish

… so why not blog about it right?

I want things,  i want connections with people,  I want a new 18 string guitar I want an open relationship I want people who care about me to tell me they care about me and have it not just be assumed.  I want Studio time with a Drummer and a bass player and maybe even a violin player if im lucky.  I want a new computer and a new phone and a new ipad and all this stuff.  I was okay with not having anything for a long time but now I feel so many desires.  Maybe its a good thing,  i’m probably better off having goals.  I know this stuff wont make me “happy” but it might help me get the things done that i want to get done.  I don’t think they’re unrealistic desires,  they just take time to a-crude and I feel like its going by so slowly.  Maybe im distracting myself from what i really need to be doing,  which is Chemistry homework.  I want recognition,  and I’m not really getting any at all.  But I’m also not doing anything really so recognition would be pretty useless right now.  It would be cheap,  and cheap things break down really quickly.  I feel like nobody notices me.  My friends dont return my messages,  and when they do it goes poorly.  which makes me wonder why I even bother trying.  I keep telling myself its because I’m rusty,  i just need more practice.  but how many times can you fall on your face before you wonder about buying a cane?  How many times do you need to be told you’re doing it wrong before you stop asking for advice?

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